Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Text me some of your sweat
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize