i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
