More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
