If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
