So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
