can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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