Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
