She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
