I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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