He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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