He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
