i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Too much gin, very little bucket
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
