so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
sex in a hospital.. check
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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