All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize