The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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