That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
