he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You ate ashes out of my bong
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
