Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize