I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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