my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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