if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
