I'm going to jail i love you
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
