Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
