i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
