just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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