these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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