So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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