I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
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My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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