so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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