i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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