I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Randomize
