I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
