i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
