I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
