so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
