ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
