you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm at about main and main street
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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