Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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