someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
where does the pee come out of this thing
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
