I think scott just propositioned me for sex
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
