She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I made him laugh his dick is mine
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
