Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
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When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
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On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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