Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
