Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
