if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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