I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
