Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
