Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
