was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
