My hand turned me down
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
