She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
