Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Randomize
