you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
When are your genitals available?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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