That's when you crack a 10am beer
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
