did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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