Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
