I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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