2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
