dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
