i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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