No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
