bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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